Ready - Aim - FIRE

Dear Society,

I'm trying to figure out why so many men spit in the toilet before they take a leak. I see it more often when standing at urinals, but I still hear it from across the privacy walls while "dropping some friends off at the pool." I was taking a leak this evening at the men's room in the BWI International Terminal, upper level (Conference room B) and an older gentleman walked up to the urinal next to me, gently spit at the urinal, and proceeded to empty his bladder. This certainly is not the first time that I've witnessed the "Spit n Piss" maneuver, but it does continue to baffle me. If most men are like me, Daddy taught us how to stand up and pee. I don't know about other guys, but my father never instructed me to either hack up a wad of lung spooge, or expel all standing mouth moisture immediately before opening up the fire hose. I say fire hose, only because there are some men out there who have been blessed/cursed with such an appendage. In observing this technique, I can only assume that the "Spitters" were told to do that in order to give themselves something to aim at? More on this topic below.

Another thing that really confuses me is how some men refuse to lift the seat when the piss. What in the hell is that matter with these toilet terrorists? I say terrorist, because this is an act of terror. How does it feel when you are in a hurry to sit down and send your lunch off to the recycle plant, and you have to stop and either clean the seat, gasket it, or squat over it....all while doing everything you can to hold the pressure of last night's burrito from puncturing through the thin walls of the Brown River Dam?!?! It's a nightmare! How hard is it for a guy to wad up some toilet paper and lift the seat, or even lift it up with your footwear? Who taught these toilet terrorists to disrespect their fellow poopers in this manner?

Aim.....allow me to touch on that important subject for a moment. Regardless of what direction you may be holding your man pipe, sometimes, the water shoots off in an unexpected direction. This can not be controlled. It can only be corrected immediately after the initial spritz. Women tend to complain about men's inability to, "Get it in the rim." To the women of the world, I say, regardless of how perfect a man's aim is...sometimes, his just going to hit that rim, or points beyond it. Just be patient and teach him to clean up after himself. Remember another important rule....men don't learn shit quickly.

OK, back to the "Spitters." While I was in San Diego this weekend, I was facing the urinal at Qualcomm Stadium and noticed a little fly picture that the owners of the toilets had placed strategically in the urinals. I've also seen mini targets in the urinals at the Seattle Tacoma airport. This is ingenious. Not only is it exciting to try and aim your spray at something, but it also benefits the next users as long as the previous users decided they want to aim there too. Again....no man can aim perfectly 100% of the time, but this should increase the overall cleanliness of the pissers. The crazy reality is still, some men still spit at the little bugs or targets before they pee! I'm opening this up to the world. Somebody....please tell me why it's a habit to "spit n piss?"

Yours Truly,
Confused Crapper

Touchdown Chargers!!!!!

This blog is being sent from the Continental Airlines President's Club in Houston's George Bush Intercontinental Airport. Sheri and I took a quick hop out to San Diego for a Chargers Football game this weekend. The team was playing the Ravens, and I bought a nice Chargers T shirt with my M & T bank Baltimore Ravens Check Card.....I found that kind of amusing. Anyhoo, the game was awesome! The Chargers and the Ravens are both "so-so" this year....therefore, it was a good match and an exciting game. We couldn't have picked a better game to attend. My "Great Uncle, Dr. Richard Gilbert" was honored by the Chargers for his 33 years of service as the team's foot doctor. He's been with the team longer than anyone else in the organization. Right before the game, his family had been brought out onto the field and much to his surprise, he was honored by his team and surrounded by his loved ones....all while standing around the 50 yard line. Though Sheri, my father and I were not immediate family and therefore, stayed in our seats to watch the surprise take place, it was still really nice to be there. After the family came back from the field and the game began, we were invited up into the sky box and spent the rest of the game eating, drinking and enjoying the game as a family...all on the Charger's Tab. Can't beat that!

Now, I'm trying to figure out which flight I'll be on to get home. Though I'm flying full fare, my flight is overbooked. Who knows what is in my very near future? Based on my possible off spacing, I'm hoping Andrew will be able to work for me tonight. I have to thank my father for the club access, this is certainly the way to travel. I laughed at him years ago for what I thought was a silly waste of money on club access. Little did I realize how nice it is compared to the usually gate areas. The man is on to something! Free Wi-Fi...Comfortable Seating...Food...Drinks....CLEAN TOILETS....this place is a traveler's oasis.

Something my father said to me this weekend shocked me in a way, just because of who it was coming from. "You can't take it with you." I know it, have known it and believe that I do live my life in a way that reflects that I know it. The shocker...was that my father recognized it and has starting living like he knows it. God Bless you Dad....I'm so glad to see it.

The clock is ticking, it's time to head towards my gate and learn the fate of my post Thanksgiving weekend travel plans.

By the way, Row 12 on the CO 737-800 does not recline.

Thanks be to Gobble

Another Thanksgiving has rolled around. To those of you who left me voice mail messages on the night of Thanksgiving, I appreciate the calls and wish a happy Thanksgiving to you too (Bill and Rob.) This year, the holiday came with little fanfare. Work had my attention and time consumed right up to hours before and hours right after the holiday. I did manage to have Thanksgiving itself off, however I was in bed and sleeping by 2000L in order to be awake so I could be right back here at the airport by 0200L. This year involved a slightly uncomfortable dinner at the in law's. The food was great, as was a delicious green been casserole that I made, but there was a few moments of discomfort between my wife and her family that caused me to raise an eyebrow or two.

Details will remain private. I will say that it's a damn shame when family members can't find it in their hearts to show real love. Night's like tonight really make me appreciate the love, care and concern that I grew up with from my immediate, extended families and friends. So many times I look back and I see that life was definitely not easy for me. I always seemed to have to learn the hard way, take the longer paths to success and climb up from the low points that I often found myself in. That being said....well...I'm just glad I had people in my life to show me that they loved me. The love they showed may not have fixed my mistakes, nor did it make my accomplishments come any easier....but it sure as hell was great to feel like I was cared for and appreciated along the journey.

Earlier today, I was trying to think of reasons to give "thanks." At the end of the day, literally, I know exactly what it is that I am giving "thanks" for this year. God Bless and Thank you, to all of my loved ones who showed me they care. To those who have left this life and those who are still with me....Thank You. I love you all and appreciate every bit of care you have shown me in this lifetime.

As I was driving to work tonight, I saw a shooting star. I'm not the most superstitious person in the world, yet, I still wish upon shooting stars. My wish tonight, was for others to experience the love and care that I've been blessed with in my life. On that note, my 757 just called in range so I need to roll. Thanks be to god.

Temporary Grounding

The assault that I've been putting on my body from work lately has finally taken it's toll. Though don't feel sick in the sense that I can't move or that I have a killer cold, I am feeling under the weather. I was planning on taking up N4601D for relaxing flight this afternoon, instead, I'm grounding myself and taking some cold medication.

I've had a bunch of people talk to me lately about how much I've been working and how I need to ease the pace a little bit and take some time off before I burn out. I guess it's one of those things in life where you have to learn a lesson over and over and over and over again until you finally get smart and remember it. As much as I may bitch now and then, I do LOVE what I do for a living and because I love it so much, I think I just throw myself into it without thinking often enough about taking a break once in a while. Maybe it's my work ethic, my love for aviation, my appreciation for the ability to play with big jets....or my own insanity....or all the above....I just don't seem to WANT to pull myself away from the airport long enough to relax. So, this will be my last day off until Thanksgiving...not much of a break, but hopefully enough to sustain me until my next break. See....I'm already set up for my next lesson unlearned.

Sheri and I have been looking at new health insurance plans over the past few days. Her new job does not offer coverage, so we need to get her some insurance. I must say, I'm quite surprised at how inexpensive insurance can be for someone young and in good health. All you hear about on the news is how the entire country is about to crumble to it's knees because NOBODY can afford health insurance. Well, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people out there who are healthy enough and probably earn enough to afford it. Obviously, it's not something any of us WANT to pay for, but it's not really as crippling as some in the media and political arena are screaming about. One thing I love about this country is that you have a choice. I do hope we can maintain that choice and not be forced into a govt run program, brought to us from the creators of the IRS, DHS and TSA, where we will simply have to pay more tax and get mediocre service in return. My opinion (to my liberal friends...it's my opinion and I have a right to share it) is that I would hate to see a nation's health care managed by the same government that allows only 3 ounces of liquid in a clear 1 quart plastic bag beyond a metal detector that can't handle shoes....and still doesn't make anybody any safer. I can't even begin to imagine all the silly rules a US government run health care system would put in place.

The drugs are kicking in now...my head is starting to cloud up. Maybe in a few days, I'll be able to clear up my symptoms and get my ass back up in the sky.

All I can say is....Thank God Al Gore invented the Internet....otherwise, I wouldn't be able to share my random thoughts with anyone who feels like reading them.

Last random thought:

If Al Gore was smart enough to invent the Internet, how is it he can complain all day about the problems with the environment....yet he can't come up with a real....economical....wide scale solution? Give that man a Nobel Prize!

I vote for Methane Fuel!

Ginger Ale Party

I was working a World Airways DC10 Freighter a little over a week ago and while handling this flight, I came across a concept that I'd never heard of before. The Flight Engineer, having nothing more to bitch about in life, spent 5 minutes on a pure venomous tirade about having too many Ginger Ale cans the cooler and not enough diet Coke cans. Personally, I too am a bigger fan of Diet Coke, however I can't say that I've gone into a rage regarding different cans of soft drinks in relation to their quantity within a cooler. He also bitched about the fact that catering put the bag of ice in a catering cart instead of dumping it into the cooler, but it seemed that the Ginger Ale was the larger source of frustration. During the rant about cans of spicy ale, he remarked about how it looked as though he was catered for a "Ginger Ale Party." Then, he took about 10 cans out and gave them too me and told me to "do something with these," maybe go "Have a Ginger Ale Party."

I have travelled the world countless times as a crew member and not once have I ever encountered a "Ginger Ale Party." Could this just be a World Airways thing? What does a "Ginger Ale Party" look like? Is it a wild event where cans are shaken, then popped open and sprayed at each other? Is it more sophisticated? Do you have a small group sitting around and discussing the variances in taste between Schweppes, Seagram's, Canada Dry, etc...? Does a "Ginger Ale Party" have people yelling Surprise!, or popping out of aluminum cans? Do you light candles at a "Ginger Ale Party?" Maybe a "Ginger Ale Party" is actually a political party? I vote NO on artificial flavors!!! Well, the rest of the universe may never know the secret to having a "Ginger Ale Party," but at least I've learned something new and for the record....I like Schweppes.

Sheri and I took a cross country flight from Smoketown Airport over to Bridgeport, Connecticut this week. We took N5331G...my new favorite airplane. God, I love flying that thing. We departed at about 1130L and arrived right on schedule at exactly 1300L. I love the fact that I can make it to CT in 1+30. Unfortunately, we got a late start because I worked until 3AM that morning. Thank you ATA for another fine example on how to operate with ZERO common sense. While en route, we flew up to the "Broadway VOR" and then I had my flight planned to pass by the busy New York airspace by going to "Sparta VOR, then CARMEL VOR" then down into Bridgeport. For the Non-Aviation readers....that would go North....East....then South down to my destination. While approaching "Broadway," New York approach asked if I wanted "Bridgeport Direct?" This would save about 6-10 mins of flying....and also take me right through the Final approach path for Newak and then past the Hudson where I would cross the departure area for LaGuardia. Being as though I am always up for a new challenge in aviation...I said, "31G will take Direct Bridgeport." What an adventure! I flew through Jumbo Jet Soup. It was incredible and I would love to be able to do that again sometime soon. Once we arrived, I picked up my grandfather for a short flight around Bridgeport and Milford....then we ate a quick bite with my mother and grandfather at the airport, followed by a flash dump and departure back to PA. Days are shorter this time of year and I don't have too much night flying under my belt, so I didn't feel like taking on that challenge with a passenger on board. I would have loved to get clearance into the New York airspace again, but there was also a thick haze...so I took the longer quieter route instead. Still busy...but not as bad. If it wasn't so damn expensive, I would be doing this all the time!

Now, I'm at BWI, working another 20+ hour day....and in my downtime....day dreaming about cross country flying and ginger ale parties.

85 years and appreciative

Last weekend, I went up to Connecticut to celebrate my grandfather's 85th birthday. My mother threw him a party and had a relative make a video which had pictures of his life. Here is a guy who is in the twilight of his life and I looked at his face while he was watching this video...and all I saw was gratitude and appreciation for his life. It was so beautiful to see. Life hasn't been easy, nor has it been too difficult for him...but that reality didn't seem to matter in what made up the smile on his face. The powerful emotion that showed in the way he smiled, teared and took over his breathing was pure love. It wasn't the love a man feels for a woman or his children....it was the love that man has for life itself.

I just hope that I too can have that emotion at his age. I've got it at 30 and appreciate all that I have and all that I've done....I just hope I don't make the mistake of taking it for granted over time.

I've been flying again lately. After my dream come true flight last month with my grandfather, I decided to fly a much nicer aircraft. Life is short and I want to be able to comfortably and confidently make cross countries up to Connecticut so that I may continue to share my passion with my grandfather. Life is short...I might as well make the most of it while I can. So...I've stepped away from the old but graceful N4601D and stepped into the 21st century by taking the controls of N5331G. I had no idea how much I would love flying a Cessna 172SP...until I got the chance to fly it. It's like a totally different aircraft. Everything from the leather seats to the avionics makes this plane just an absolute joy to fly. Today, I flew Sheri down to Summit, Delaware for a Touch n Go....and I enjoyed every second of being at the controls. I just can't stress enough how great the SP is!

Speaking of Sheri, she is no longer in car sales. I'm very proud of her. She tried it, sold 5 cars in under 3 full weeks in a universe that she was unfamiliar with and left because she the hours totally sucked....not because she couldn't do the job. She just accepted a position as a Massage Therapist (pending a background check) and will be working at something she trained hard for years ago. God bless....you have to respect the ability to walk away from what brings you down and walk towards your dreams.

Even better....she's currently en route to Richmond Int'l Airport in Virginia. She'll be staying overnight tonight to work 2 flights for me in the morning. Not only is it helpful to Elite Operations, but it's a great opportunity to keep doing what she hasn't done in life. And I....have an all grey cat laying on my arm as I type.

Back to work for me tonight. 2300L arrival from RMS and 0100L ferry back to JFK. My schedule is a nightmare in November. This is not me complaining...I love the work! I'm simply just stating the fact that the schedule is insane. So...I'm out for now....duty calls.