Choke 'n' Poo

ATA's DC10 from Germany was running VERY late tonight. The flight arrived at 2345L and was ready to ferry out to GSO as of 0112L. A few minutes before we were ready to push back, the outbound captain found the ID badge of the inbound captain. So...being the nice "SuperRep" that I am, I called the hotel an spoke to the captain before he fell asleep to let him know that I had his ID Badge. Obviously, he was happy to hear it was found. Being an airline crew member and not having your ID, is like going out to your car and trying to start it without keys. It's possible...but not a pleasure. Anyway, since his hotel was right down the street, I offered to pop over there and give him his badge back. So, with the plane off the gate and only 25 minutes since we spoke, I was at the hotel and he had his badge back.

Once I handed him the badge and stepped into the elevator, I thought...."Hmmm, I might as well take a dump while I'm here." I wasn't at the point that a turtle was poking, but, the Marriott's facility sure beats some of the other stops I might be potentially needing while I'm driving home. So....I stepped off the elevator and walked into the Men's room in the lobby. Just as I had pulled my pants down and sat down, I hear the door to the bathroom open up and someone walked in. At this moment, I was starting to maneuver the manure muscles, when all of a sudden, I hear another person walk in and speak....it was a female!!! My immediate reaction was to stay silent and maybe they would walk out right away. She and the gentleman that entered a few seconds earlier, made about 5 seconds of drunken small talk when all of a sudden, they enter the stall next to mine and close the door. My immediate thought was...."hmm...what the hell is up with this?" That thought was also followed by....."Damn, now that I started the process, I can't go back now....this Toilet Eel needs to be set free!" Having never been faced with a Co-ed audience before, I held back and tried to figure out what I should do, even though, nature was now dictating my only real option. And then.....I hear...."Zip...lick...slurp....choke....moan...etc..." Whoa!!! This is insane!!! The dude next to me is getting a blow job and I'm taking a dump in the stall next door. I was silent before the fine upstanding female decided to devour the gentleman's man meat, but I couldn't be silent anymore. The beast from beneath was set free and if they didn't realize someone was there, now it was obvious. She stopped for a second and said to her male friend, "Oh shit, we aren't alone in here." Mr. Bologna quickly addressed her concern with a typical male comment..."It's ok baby, don't stop." Now that I was feeling totally awkward, I wiped my ass, pulled up my pants and hit the sink to clean my hands and walked out.

I have spent countless hours dropping friends off in pools all across the globe. Never, have I been faced with a situation like this one. You just don't know how to react. Who knows, maybe I could have made the "Man Cough" or "Bathroom Breath?" I don't really think it would have mattered. From the sounds of it, neither of them cared too much. She wanted to polish his pork sword and he wasn't going to stop her. If anything, I now have another crazy story to add to my collection unusual bathroom experiences and though it was very awkward, I at least have a funny story to tell.

I always prefer public crappers in hotels because they are generally cleaner and quieter. This Blows my theory - Pun intended.

If you'll allow me to abuse song lyrics for a moment, I'm going to edit Aerosmith's "Love in an Elevator" and change it up a bit....feel fry to sing it in your head:

Normal Version -
Love in an Ela-Vator....Livin it up while you're goin dowwwn

Edited Version -
Love in a pub-lic bath-room.....Takin a dump while she's goin down.

OK...time for bed...I've got another long day ahead of me tomorrow.